Intentionality

#output

Introduction:
Have you ever noticed how some people seem to effortlessly meet their goals, while others struggle to follow through on their intentions? It's not just about willpower or discipline. According to author Gretchen Rubin, it's about understanding your own unique response to expectations. In her framework of the "Four Tendencies," Rubin argues that we all fall into one of four categories: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, or Rebels. Today, we're going to explore how understanding your Tendency can help you live with greater intentionality and purpose, and avoid the trap of procrastination by learning.

Defining the Four Tendencies:
Rubin's framework is based on the idea that we all respond differently to outer and inner expectations. Outer expectations are those placed on us by others, like deadlines at work or requests from friends. Inner expectations are the ones we place on ourselves, like New Year's resolutions or personal goals.

Here's a breakdown of the Four Tendencies:

  1. Upholders readily meet both outer and inner expectations. They thrive on rules and routines, and they have no trouble following through on commitments to others or to themselves.

  2. Questioners meet inner expectations, but they question outer expectations. They'll only do something if they understand the reasoning behind it and agree that it makes sense.

  3. Obligers readily meet outer expectations, but they struggle to meet inner expectations. They're great at keeping promises to others, but they often let themselves down when it comes to their own goals and self-care.

  4. Rebels resist both outer and inner expectations. They want to do things their own way, on their own schedule, and they bristle at any sense of being controlled or constrained.

Why Understanding Your Tendency Matters:
Here's the key insight: most people are Obligers. In fact, Rubin estimates that they make up the largest portion of the population. This means that many of us are great at showing up for others, but we struggle to prioritize our own goals and well-being. We say yes to every request and take on every project, leaving little time and energy for the things that truly light us up.

If this sounds like you, don't despair. The beauty of the Four Tendencies framework is that once you understand your natural response to expectations, you can start to design your life in a way that works with your Tendency, not against it.

Defining Intentionality:
At its core, intentionality is about living life on purpose. It's about having a clear vision for what you want to create and experience, and then aligning your daily actions and choices with that vision. When you live with intentionality, you don't just react to what life throws at you; you proactively shape your reality through deliberate thought and action. It's about setting standards for what you will and won't allow in your life, and then holding yourself accountable to those standards, even when it's challenging.

Why Be Intentional:
In our fast-paced, always-connected world, it's easy to get swept up in the current of other people's priorities and expectations. We tackle our to-do lists at work, respond to the endless pings of emails and messages, and then, when we finally have a moment to ourselves, we often default to vegging out in front of a screen or engaging in "productive procrastination." This is where we do things that feel productive, like learning a new skill or taking an online course, but that don't necessarily align with our core goals and values. While there's nothing wrong with learning and growth, it's important to be intentional about how we spend our time and energy and to ensure that our actions are truly moving us closer to our vision. And while there's nothing wrong with relaxing and enjoying entertainment, if it's not balanced with intentional action toward our own goals and growth, we can wake up years later and realize we've been living on autopilot. Intentionality is about taking the wheel and steering our lives in the direction we truly want to go.

Steps to Live with Intentionality:

  1. Be your own gatekeeper. Limit your consumption of social media, Netflix, and YouTube to specific times, and don't let them bleed into the rest of your day. Use that reclaimed time to work on your goals and passions.

  2. Optimize your time for what you value. Get clear on your priorities and cut out the nonessential. Say no to activities and commitments that don't align with your vision, even if they seem productive or useful on the surface.

  3. Control your habits and environment. Unfollow accounts and unsubscribe from emails that trigger mindless scrolling or comparisons. Set up your space to make it easy to do deep, focused work on what matters to you. Surround yourself with people and influences that inspire and motivate you.

  4. Build genuine connections. Social media can make us feel more isolated and disconnected. Prioritize in-person interactions and relationships that energize and support you in your growth. Look for mentors and peers who are also striving to live intentionally.

  5. Be stubborn about your standards. When tempted to procrastinate with learning or other "productive" activities, ask yourself if they truly align with your goals. Don't let the allure of feeling productive sway you from your vision.

  6. Focus on consistency over perfection. You don't need to have it all figured out or make drastic changes overnight. Just commit to taking one small intentional action toward your goals each day, even if it means saying no to other opportunities. Those daily steps will compound into massive progress over time.

Conclusion:
Intentional living is a practice, not a destination. It's about waking up each day and choosing, again and again, to show up as the author of your own story. And while it's not always easy, the rewards are immeasurable. When you live with intentionality, you gain a sense of clarity, purpose, and fulfillment that no amount of social media likes, Netflix binges, or even well-intentioned learning can provide. You start to see tangible progress on the goals and dreams that light you up inside, rather than just spinning your wheels on things that don't truly matter. And you inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect of positive change in the world. So if you're ready to break free from the drift of procrastination and start living on purpose, embrace intentionality. Your future self will thank you.